May 20, 2008

Make a Difference

Don't think for a second that I think the world revolves around me, even if I sound like it. It's weird to me that I just wrote that, but I think it needs to be said.

I had a little more introspection this morning and have come to this still incomplete, still not quite there, thought: I want to make a difference in people's lives - and I don't mean the stockholders. I don't think I made a bad choice of careers when it comes to that; it may not be ideal, but it's still doable. What I may have made a bad choice of is exactly where in that profession I made my home. At my current place of employment I may not have much choice (the only areas I can think of that might make a real difference are two of the smaller, harder to get into [IMO] groups).

I'm not even sure that I have the focus to do so on a regular basis - but that may be another problem. I've been growing to suspect over the course of the last year or so that I may have some sort of attention disorder (yeah, I know, self-diagnosis means jack squat). It would definitely explain my lack of ability to stay on task and my very erratic websurfing habits. It also provides the only explanation I've ever seen that makes sense for an outburst I remember from 2nd grade. Of course, it doesn't explain how I was able to survive schooling with as high marks as I did. The only thing could handle the two together is my old frequent caffeine usage. It's not medically recognized as a treatment but it is a stimulant, and in college I had to use some "controlled dosages" to get me through some of my papers.

I hope that doesn't bore or alarm my 3-5 readers (according to feedburner, that's my subscriber count, averaging 3) or any of the 14 IP addresses that have visited here.